#i laughed so hard !!!

[hydrangeapartridge]

*Nodding proudly, a tear in my eye as la Marseillaise starts playing to a slideshow solely composed of pics of Professeur Volkarin* 😎🇨🇵

No rings allowed on the battlefield (EmmRook short fic)

Emmrich gets injured and Rook helps ;) (no spoilers)

warning for: s*x*al allusions

It was an unfortunate accident. A stupid mistake. A clumsy fumble during a battle with a dragon. Taash and Emmrich weren’t as well coordinated as other duos Rook often traveled with, and the fight had taken them by surprise. They prevailed at the cost of a few scratches and sadly, one less minor injury.

Once the adrenaline spike dropped down like the dragon did mere seconds ago, Emmrich winced, nursing his left hand close to him, assessing the damage done to it. It was no dragon that hit him, but the back swing of Taash’s reckless but impressive last blow. The handle of their axe had crushed Emmrich’s left hand, more precisely his left middle finger, which was red and starting to swell. The ring on it, an expensive looking band of gold with a diamond-shaped emeral in the center, looked a bit battered, and mostly far too tight for the size Emmrich’s finger was growing.

The necromancer’s right hand lit up with magic and he ran it above his injured hand in a quick healing spell. However, the whole group startled when a small green crack of lightning coming from his dented ring zapped Emmrich’s valid hand, dissipating the healing spell in the process. Upon closer inspection, the emerald gem was slightly fractured, damaged enough for its enchantment to act up.

Emmrich clicked his tongue in frustration. “Of course it had to be the life spells ward…” He grumbled, annoyed and in pain as he realized he would not be able to heal himself.

Rook quickly understood the situation, and seeing Emmrich’s rapidly paling complexion and sweaty brows, she took him by the arm, urging him to sit down on a pile of rocks so she could tend to his injury before he fainted.

“I am fine I assure you” Emmrich told her, though he was not so convincing; self conscious from the attention, and feeling powerless without his healing magic. “I’ve seen worse. Worse injury at least. That was my first dragon and it is not an encounter I would like to reiterate”

Rook gently took the mage’s hand in hers as he rambled, and from what she saw, his finger had already doubled in size and was turning purple from the lack of bloodflow.

“We need to take off this ring or you’ll lose your finger” She observed. “Taash, do we have grease or butter, or anything else that could help here?”

Taash rummaged through their belongings and Rook’s too but came back empty handed. “Nah, sorry, Harding is the one who always thinks about this kind of stuff”

“I have some cream in my belongings that might help” Emmrich then remembered, having difficulty focusing when all he could feel was his blood pulsing hard in his finger. He called out to Manfred, who had been hiding during the fight, but came quickly to their assistance.

Once she had the cream, Rook applied a small amound around the ring, trying to get it on the skin under it to loosen it. Emmrich bit his lip to refrain any noise of pain when she then tried her best to pull on the ring. She tried to apply as much force as she could, until Emmrich’s hand started shaking from the pain. It was an utter failure; the ring did not move one inch, and the cream only made Rook’s grip on it slippery, making it impossible to really pull on it, even with her nails.

Emmrich’s expression was a hardly contained grimace of pain, and Rook hated to see his beautiful features contorted so. She had to do something, his finger was getting cold, they did not have much time. It was a stupid injury but it must hurt like hell.

“Don’t we have anything to cut it?” She asked Taash but they shook their head. Rook tried preparing a controlled fire spell, but the second she approached her alite finger, the ring zapped her, making her wince and extinguishing her magic.

“Maybe we should cut the whole finger and then he’ll stitch it back with necromancy” Taash offered, but Emmrich did not approuve.

“I’d rather it would not come to that” He said, dejected.

Having a dead finger in the middle of such a refined hand was admittedly not enviable. They could do better. She needed to help him. Find a solution.

“Please don’t hate me for this” Rook told Emmrich when an idea struck her, eyes begging as they met Emmrich’s sad brown ones.

She did not give the necromancer time to think before she gripped his hand tighter and brought it to her mouth. In a swift motion she swallowed his middle finger, getting down on it without hesitation.

Emmrich choked on a half-pained, half-mortified whimper of a breath. Rook, whom he barely knew, had her lips tightly wrapped around that one particular finger, mimicking an entirely different situation. He couldn’t look away from her expression of concentration as he felt her tongue poke and swirl around his ring, caressing the skin in a way that felt as painful as it was soothing. He soon felt her teeth carefully joining the mix, trying to get a grip on the stuck piece of jewelry.

He instinctively tried to take his hand back, but Rook held it firmly in her hand while she worked, her eyes closed, her long eyelashes brushing her high cheekbones.

Emmrich felt the tip of his ears, as well as his neck heat up, his collar suddenly too tight, when Rook hollowed her cheeks and sucked on his finger. Her mouth was so warm he felt dizzy from it. He barely repressed a moan of relief when the ring finally gave in, and Rook pulled away from him with a 'pop' and a victorious humming sound that was delightful to the ears.

He watched flabbergasted as she spat the ring onto her opened palm, then covered his face with his right gloved hand from the embarrassment of the whole situation.

“Damn. That’s a skilled tongue you got! Could rival Isabella’s” Taash commented, genuinely impressed. They whistled, only aggravating Emmrich’s feelings.

Rook chuckled nervously, her own cheeks flushed from the effort and maybe something else. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Emmrich’s face so she focused back on his injured hand. With the ring out of the way, she performed a simple healing spell, and in a few seconds, his finger was back to normal size and colour.

When she looked up, Emmrich’s brown gaze was on her, grateful but strained, and a bit wild too from this impossible situation.

Rook leaned back, putting some distance between her face and his. She felt hot. Why was Rivain always so hot?

She handed Emmrich his broken ring back without meeting his eyes. “Here, I hope you can get it fixed”

“I will try. It was a gift; I shall be sad to part with it” He said, gently taking the ring and twirling it in between his long pretty fingers.

Rook wondered if the person whom he received it from was still part of his life. And how important they were to him. She wondered if he left someone treasured behind in Nevarra, but didn’t dare ask. Nor did she permit to comment that he should consider wearing less jewelry when traveling around the wilderness; for practical reasons. She stayed silent, simply glad that he was fine.

“Thank you Rook” Emmrich’s soft tone finally coaxed her into looking up to his pleasant features. “You truly are a very … resourceful young woman”

Rook felt herself flush again. “Anytime” She replied in a whisper between the two of them.

Back at the lighthouse, Taash felt the need to tell every other companion how Rook tended to Emmrich’s delicate ring situaiton. She thought she would die of embarassment, but in the end, it only became a funny anecdote, soon forgotten by the group.

She did not however forget the beauty of Emmrich’s hands, and the intensity of his gaze on her. The more days she spent in his company, the more she decided that yes, she could be convinced to go down onto the professor again, anytime he wanted.

[ladamania]

Twitter still producing bangers on occasion

[ofburntorangesuns]

Rex ol' boy

[demiboydemon]

Yesterday I saw someone unironically say that the reason Zelda says the house in Hateno is her house is because she kicked out Link and now lives there alone. Like, they seriously believed that she stole his house. That that was the most logical explanation for Zelda calling Link’s house hers. And not, you know, them sharing a house.

[seasaltandcopper]

today I discovered that in bg3 not only can your mage hand get caught doing crimes and be given the chance to talk its way out of it, but if you fail (that -5 penalty to charisma sdfsdf) the guards will take it to a jail cell

I can only imagine what kind of slapstick shenanigans happened trying to wrangle that thing along the way

[lemurianmaster]

Diavolo looking for advice:

An hour later:

[bombshellsandbluebells]

Jamie having both a poster of Roy AND Keeley on the wall of his childhood bedroom is truly so funny. My brother just said “wow Jamie Tartt really just goes out and achieves what he wants doesn’t he”

[brandonlees]

BRIDGERTON (2020-) S03E02 “How Bright The Moon”

[mjfass]

All of them just chatting in the parking lot with their weapons, chilling, waiting for Mox and his group to show up, is so funny to me.

[toomking]

all these guys do is sleep and eat... . ... .. . ..

[nanachiita]

Zoro:

Luffy >>>>>>

.

in the original picture it was enma but I had to put Luffy on it

SORRY (or not)

[autumnmobile12]

That awkward moment when you realize you may or may not be dating an idiot.

...

"Am I a goddamn balloon animal? The fuck are you doing?!"

[aquarines]

the i love you scene with armand, louis and dreamstat followed by "are you schizophrenic louis" by daniel is why interview with a vampire is actually a comedy

[theworldsownoptimist]

he's had a nice meal with a bit of exercise, he's coming home to his beautiful wife and he's wearing cool shades. everything's coming up armand and life is beautiful... but watch out

[whoregaylorenzo]

MUGELLO 2024: after crashing out of practice, Pedro Acosta has to help his struggling rescue scooter get up the hill

[unfinishedslurs]

RIP Mike Wheeler’s heterosexuality

“Is being gay contagious?”

Steve stares at his phone groggily before putting it back against his ear. “…Mike?”

“Is it?”

“It’s three in the fuckin’ morning is what it is.” He rubs his nose, Mike’s words finally catching up to his brain. “Seriously, Mike? No it’s not fucking contagious, you’re not gonna get the gay disease or whatever from me. I promise you’ll keep liking girls.”

He’s a little hurt, even though he knows the question is innocent. They’ve been asking a lot of questions, like the inquisitive little assholes they are, but none of them had seemed like they weren’t okay with it. Until now.

“…that’s not what I meant,” Mike says. Steve realizes that his voice sounds shaky, even over the phone.

“Then what—“ he cuts himself off, realizing halfway through his bitching that there was only one reason Mike would call about this. “Oh.”

“Can you pick me up?”

“It’s three in the morning,” he repeats, even as he starts wondering where he left his keys. “Your mom…”

“Steve,” Mike pleads. “Please?”

He sighs. “I’m on my way.”

Mike is sitting on his doorstep when he pulls up, head in his hands. Steve doesn’t have to get out of the car, he stalks to the passenger door with all the vitriol of a boy with too many emotions to hold in, and wrenches the door open hard enough that Steve worries he’s going to break it.

“Watch it, noodle arms,” he says, trying to pretend this is normal. Maybe if he acts like it’s not well past midnight, Mike will relax.

It doesn’t work. Mike slumps in his seat, not bothering with the seatbelt. “Can you just drive?”

Steve drives. Doesn’t really know where they’re going, but it doesn’t matter. Just away seems to suffice.

He eventually pulls into a side road

“I’m scared to even touch another guy now! Because apparently hugging is gay when you’re older, and so is sleeping in the same bed, and telling your friends you love them, and…and I’m fucking scared all the time, ‘cause what if they’re right? How do they know? How can they tell by just fucking looking at me? It’s bullshit!”

“Shit, kid,” Steve says, heartbroken. “Shit. C’mere.”

He pulls him close, and Mike turns his face into the crook of his neck, shaking. His shirt collar starts to get damp.

“I don’t know what to do,” he cries. “I thought it was normal, I thought everyone was just…so scared all the time, and we just didn’t talk about it. But then you said that thing about being afraid and pushing it down, and I didn’t— I tried to ignore it. I tried so hard not to think about it, Steve, I swear I tried.”

“I know you did,” he says quietly. It hits him that he might be the only one who really gets it. Eddie gave up denying it long ago, deciding to evolve into something else for them to focus on. Robin’s a girl. Which doesn’t mean jack shit in most cases, because being a lesbian fucking sucks in a town like Hawkins, but girls aren’t as obsessive about it. Sometimes when they compare notes, Robin will just stare at him.

Mike shakes his head. “I don’t know what I did wrong,” he mumbles tearfully into his shoulder.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Steve says with a surprising amount of vehemence. He grabs Mike by his scrawny little shoulders, pulls him away so he can look directly into his bloodshot eyes. “Not a damn thing, do you hear me? There is nothing wrong with you, and anyone who tells you otherwise deserves a swift kick in the balls. Got it?”

Mike responds by bursting into loud, messy sobs.

Steve just keeps holding him, running a hand through his hair and soothing him gently, like he wishes someone had done for him or Robin or Eddie when they were young. Finally Mike pulls away, embarrassment starting to set in.

“Sorry,” he mutters.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Steve asks instead of a meaningless platitude he knows Mike wouldn’t accept.

Mike gives him a suspicious look. “I guess.”

“I’m scared too. All the time.”

“No you’re not,” Mike snorts. “You don’t need to make me feel better just because I’m a pussy.”

“I’m not joking,” he says. “Why do you think I dated girls? Why do you think I went through so many lengths to hide it? It’s fucking terrifying, man. But you know what makes it less scary?”

“Dating girls? Marrying a woman?”

“No.” He pokes Mike’s chest, right over his heart. “People. Friends who love and accept you. Friends who know what you’re going through, even.”

“Do you…” Mike chews his lip. “Do you think Nancy would be okay with it? With me?”

“Absolutely I do. She was okay with me, wasn’t she? And I was her boyfriend.”

“Yeah, but it’s different when it’s your family, right? Sometimes people don’t care if someone is… people don’t care until it affects them. Do you think Nancy is like that?”

He knows Nancy isn’t like that, but that's a talk they’re going to have to have themselves. “I really don’t,” he encourages. “I think she’d be really glad to know this part of you, actually. She loves you.”

“…I know,” he says, shifting uncomfortably. “I don’t… we made this dumb no secrets pact the first time the Upside-Down happened, I don’t know why. It’s stupid. But…I don’t want to keep secrets from her anymore.”